Silent Tears Inspire A Few Words (And an Epiphany)

Silent tears brimmed over under her eyelashes and two flowed out her eyes, those twin circles of a dark (near black) brown that usually sparkled with mirth but now sparkled with moist testament to some inner sorrow.

Down they flowed, like twin diamonds against her porcelain skin, lit by the faint light from the window, tracing out the contours of her cheeks until ended their ephemeral existence with a brush of her hands and a steeling of resolve.

Two tiny droplets of fluid. A brief moment in time.

Such impact.

Fleeting though their existence was, those globules of moisture, those tears, woke me up to yet another fact that I knew but didn't know so hard and sudden I would almost call it an epiphany, the fact being: She was also human, behind that beautiful façade and the smoke and mirrors of my perceptions and that of others was just another human being, a normal person. Like you, like me. The concept of her smiling and laughing and even getting angry like the rest of us was a concept well established, that she hurt and felt emotional pain like others, not so much. Of course, I ‘knew’ this fact but the existence of this knowledge was never at the forefront, it wasn’t one of those consciously analysed facts and the only traces of its existence remained in the subconscious, in the underlying layer of basic courtesy and politeness displayed to everyone (except those close friends whom you can call anything and everything ranging from a$$#*!€$ to bastards and the like to their faces and behind their back too and know that they know it’s more a term of affection than abuse) but never at the forefront. Why? I guess since I never spent that much time with her I never got to know her and those unconsciously erected mental blockades prevented me from seeing it. But those two little droplets changed that and that tiny little fact finally broke free of it's shackles, it was finally visible, known... accepted.

And then the concern came: What was it? I doubted she’d tell, not in any particular detail at any rate and perhaps not me.  But maybe I could still help. How? I did not know. For a person who claims to have helped a few friends by talking them or counselling them out of the downward arc of that their moods or thoughts may have taken and into feeling better this was poor showing. Perhaps I only succeeded due to prior rapport. Perhaps I did nothing to help and it was all their own doing. But that’s beside the point.

The fact of the matter is that I was lost. I was a man on the outside wishing to help but much like a backbench student sitting with his books for the first time on the eve of the exam, I was at a loss as to where to begin.

So I sat there. I watched her quickly compose herself, not more than those two fell which shows how strong her will is, admired her poise and the way she got back to behaving as though there wasn't any problem. Then I talked a bit, said a few silly things and a few funny ones (I would say joked a bit but made a fool out of myself and sounded weird would be more appropriate) and when she left I kicked myself mentally for being such a lousy lost-case.

And now I sit here, writing this out to let her know that I understand. I understand she’s being strong but also hurts from things beyond control. I understand that she may need peace and may not want to share. So I won’t say that talk to me and let it out etc. etc. All I’ll say is: be strong, keep holding on. Whatever it is, it’ll resolve itself and get better in time... the storm will pass.

In the meanwhile, if you ever want a repeat of that afternoon: I’ll be haunting that area more frequently.

P.S. Did you know that the entire layout of that place actually seems to promote poetic thought in me? Wrote four on utterly nonsensical topics in just one sitting! :P