A Place For Your Head

Sometimes in life, tragedy strikes. It may be unforeseen and sudden, or it may be expected, yet still too sudden and all the more painful. In such circumstances, it’s often for the sake of our near and dear ones that we feel that we have to be strong, when we see our near and dear ones break down and we feel that we shouldn’t, not in front of them, we feel that we have to be a sort of a rock for them, some solid stable land to stand on.

But no matter how much you want to, holding things within yourself, to control all your emotions for the sake of others is not good unless you have a place for yourself, someone or even someplace where you can sit and let out your emotions, as for many of us, crying alone, with no one to hold on to, no one to talk to, is not the best thing, being alone sometimes only makes it worse.

So to all my close friends out there, the people nearest and dearest to me, you know who you are, and I just want you to know, I’m there for you.

Whenever you need a friend to talk to, to take your mind off things or to listen to what you have to say, to talk to you about stuff, I’m your man. Also, I know I often act like an idiot, I say and do stupid things, but then, just remember this, I may be a moron at times, but I’m your moron. Whenever I’m free, or whenever I can possibly get time out, I’ll be your friendly, neighbourhood, or rather cross-country confidant.

When the world is getting too heavy, rest your head near mine, tell me what’s on your mind, let me help if I can, and let me try even if I can’t. I may not always say the right things, or be able to deal with things the right way, be it because of whatever reason, but I always have and always will care.

The only sad part in all this is that I can’t be the vent for my parents, no matter how much I want, for these things move only one way, from kids to parents, and when parents are in need, they move into the comforting arms of their parents, so I know, even if my mom wants to, she won’t confide her deepest problems in me, but I can be that person for you, my friends, my sister and my love, for each one of you, I’m there and will be there for as long as I’m alive… a safe haven, a place for you to rest your head.

The night will reside

A lonesome sun sets on the horizon.
Fireflies come alive all over,
As people turn their lights on;
Yet amidst this light, the darkness of the night will reside,
With me and my heart, somewhere deep inside.

Trudging back home, under a purple sky,
Seeing happy couples all around,
I remember you, love, and wistfully sigh.
For, while you are away, the night will still reside,
With me and my heart, deep inside.

Then the phone rings, and as i answer the call,
I smile, as light spreads within me,
Moving away this pall.
As I hear your voice, I picture your smile,
And as twilight turns to day, I feel whole for a while.


P.S. this does not mean I'm feeling sad/upset about the situation. It's just that, while I do enjoy as much as i can, each and every day, it feels like there's something missing in all that fun. So even as I laugh and play during the day, my heart feels like as if its still stuck at the dawn, even as the dusk approaches.

Extraction

The lights appeared out of the dark; a sudden blinding illumination, unpleasant to the scurrying nightlife, yet very welcome to the lone figure waiting near the hill top. Allowing a smile to cross his face, he stood up, brushing off the dust of a day’s wait, eagerly anticipating the moment when those lights would reach him.

Stepping closer to the road, he began thinking on all that he’d left behind, all that he was about to regain soon, so very soon. Pictures flashed through his mind, of his wife, bidding him a teary farewell, worried about if he’d come back or not, his children looking up at him with that look of admiration, and that little bit of longing that each child has, of experiencing the ‘adventures’ their parents endure. But hopefully their longing wouldn’t be fulfilled…

The lights were closer now, winding their way up to where he was, a broad grin across his face, he thought, in about ten more minutes – BOOM! The entire hill vibrated with the force of the blow. Staggering back, he stared in shock at the flaming wreck that had been a car just moments ago, before his survival instincts kicked in, making him dive to the side of the road.

Had they seen him? He couldn’t be sure. But if they’d followed the car this far, they’d have a pretty good idea of where he was. Slinging the bag across his back, he grabbed his equipment case in one hand as he scrambled for the bunker of rocks he’d prepared for himself.

Taking a quick look around, he checked if everything was exactly as he’d left it.

Satisfied, he settled into position, preparing his equipment. Moments later, he heard the rumble of approaching engines, so damn close, it’s like they waiting for the team, which meant that they had already known where he would be. But he didn't have time for speculating on that now.

Sliding the magazine into place; he waited, a grim look on his face. This was going to be one long night.

*                                  *                                  *

So far, yet so close

How is it that she inspires me so even when she’s not around? Over a thousand kilometres lie between us, and still I feel her, her touch, her presence, her memory. When we talk on the phone, just her voice is more than enough to send a thrill through my body, and even though physically now, we aren’t as close to each other as we were before, yet in my heart, it’s like she’s right there.

As the days, hours and minutes tick by, I stay here in the hostel, surrounded by friends and potential friends-to-be, while she is probably sitting there, in the house, helping her cousins with homework, or just relaxing with some music or maybe lying down for her afternoon nap, where she’ll curl up and sleep peacefully, with that relaxed, fast asleep look on her face, the look that I find so adorable, so lovable. And as I close my eyes, I can picture her… eyes closed and a small smile on her face.

Maybe she’ll dream something nice…
Maybe she’ll dream of me.

A thousand miles away, and still I only fall deeper and deeper in love with her. When I stand outside, in the open, and the breeze blows, I close my eyes and let it pass over me, around me, and as I feel its caress it feels like she’s right there beside me, her hands running through my hair, her fingers tracing out my face. I just stay there and enjoy the feeling and I know, that even as I think of her, she thinks of me too.

Just the thought of her gets songs playing in my head, the lyrics repeating themselves so often, my feet start tapping to the beat of the song. Or sometimes scenes flash through my mind, from our walks, the tuitions, the skating rounds, and they make me smile, even laugh at times. When I pick up my guitar, my fingers instinctively pluck out the tune of ‘When you say nothing at all’, one of her favourite songs, and even my writer’s block has disappeared it seems. While just a month ago, I wasn’t writing anything, and just gave up on my short stories, and the one long one that I was writing. But now, I’ve written three articles in a span of 5 days. I’ve continued the story, making changes where required. It is as if she’s there with me, urging me on, telling me to write, and that everything will be alright.


And so as i tread the ridges and valleys, of this new stage of life, i know i don’t have to worry about the treacherous slopes or the steep falls, for, though i can‘t see her, she’s right there, ready to catch me and pull me back to safe ground, should I trip or fall. Thus guarded by my love, I carry on, one step at a time.

I wish

I wish i didn't have to leave.
I wish i could be the hope,
In which you'd believe.
I wish these days would be,
Easier to bear.
I wish that when you cry,
I could be there,
To wipe your tears,
To brush away your fears,
To hold you, assure you,
That everything will be okay.

But i know that this wishing,
Won't get me anywhere.
So instead i just hope,
You find some friend,
To trust in out there.

Someone to talk to you when in need,
Help you plant hope's bright seed,
And someone who could just keep you happy.

Hush, Don't Speak

Hush, love don't say a word,
Just look into my eyes.
Look down deep and search,
And maybe you'll realise.
What i try to convey,
When i touch your hand,
What i'm trying to say,
When, there i stand,
Watching you come,
And watching as you go,
Wondering whether you know.

Wait, my love, don't look away,
Touch my heart, can you hear it say?
These feelings that i can't seem to get through,
Tell me my love, does it speak to you,
Do you get a glimpse of this feeling so true?
This bitter-sweet gift, my love for you...

Hush, love don't say a thing,
Just look into my heart,
Just listen to it sing,
Can you feel it start,
This melody for you it plays,
That keeps me company through,
Dark nights and dreary long days,
An endless soulful ballad for you,
So tell me can you hear,
The beauty of this sweet symphony,
Playing for you, inside of me.

So wait, my love, don't look away,

Touch my heart, can you hear it say?

These feelings that i can't seem to get through,

Tell me my love, does it speak to you,

Do you get a glimpse of this feeling so true?

This bitter-sweet gift, my love for you...

Just tell me my love,

Just once let me hear you say,

That yes you do hear,

This symphony that I play.

Just tell me my love,

If you feel its beat,

Does my heart's rhythm,

With your heart's meet?

Just let me know, 

Just once let your touch speak,

Let it words brighten up,

My heart's shadowy creek 

  

its not yet alright

The words i spoke hurt you so much,

It made you stop believing,

And i HATE myself for all that hurt,

And the loneliness you were feeling.

I know I've messed up,

But you say its alright,

But if I've made you,

Stop believing in love,

Then no, its not alright,

No, its not fine tonight.

And its not gonna be alright,

Until once again you start believing,

Until you once again get that feeling

That, No matter how dark the night,

Someone's there to hold your hand,

To guide you back to dry land.

Only when you feel true love again,

That feels strong enough to trust again,

Only once that day come, will i believe,

That its really okay...

I shouldn't have said it yet still i did,

And now the deed is done,

And it kills my heart everyday to see,

All the damage that I've done.

I know I've messed up,

And its i who should be hurting,

And it I who should be,

Deprived of hope and meaning,

But its you who's hurting..

And if I've made you,

Stop believing in love,

Then its not alright,

No, its not fine tonight...

And, its never gonna be alright,

Until once you you start believing,

Until once again you get that feeling.

That, no matter how dark the night,

Someone's there to hold your hand,

To guide you back to dry land...

And I'm hoping that when you feel,

You can once again trust and believe,

You trust and hold on to my hand,

But i know that I've hurt you before,

And if its not me who you choose,

I'll understand...

Cause,

All i want is for you,

To believe again,

To find love so true,

To find someone to hold on to...

And, its only gonna be alright,

When once again you start believing,

When once again you get that feeling,

That, no matter how dark that night,

Someone's there to hold your hand,

To guide you back to dry land

Only when you feel true love again,

That feels strong enough to trust again,

Be it in me or in someone else,

Someone better than me at all this,

Only then will i believe,

That you'll be alright,

And don't worry about me,

Cause as long as you're happy,

I'll somehow... be... fine.