Puzzle Too Hard To Crack

Some things are really hard to understand, and despite repeated attempts to figure them out, I at least haven't had any success in understanding these topics any better. And amongst THOSE the ones which confuse me the most concern the matters of the heart.

Yeah i know that this sounds pretty stupid and cliched, but then as i also present a case in this field, its hard not to think about these matters. Now. The girl involved in this case is undoubtedly attractive, she's got a nice and pleasant personality (with an air of innocence about her), smart, intelligent, and of course... beautiful (at least as per me.. i don't know what others might say, neither do i care). So its no surprise that i felt attracted towards her.

However, while i think about her quite a bit when I'm alone, and of course we chat a lot while walking together, on topics ranging from serious to that of normal chats between friends to even those bordering on the silly and absurd, but that's not always the case, and when these pauses in conversation come, they usually turn out to be awkward, and since she does most of the talking (thanks to me being the think-more, talk-less kind), its usually up to me to continue the conversation... and i fail abysmally.

At times, there comes a moment in this pause, when its like the best time to let her know how i feel, but every time i let them slip away, telling myself that its only a crush and that if i screw this up I'll probably cause a rift in our friendship, which i really really don't want. After all I'd rather be close to her and not be able to touch her, than be far away and still not be able to do so.

But suddenly there comes this time when we're separated by a distance that makes it unfeasible to text or chat via phone as often as I'd like. And now I've started thinking about her more often than ever. And now suddenly labeling these feelings as a mere crush, seems to be a massive understatement.

And now I'm confused, when close to her, I can't even make simple polite conversation, leaving her to do most of the talking. Yet when far from her, i think about her so often, dreaming of her pretty face and those beautiful eyes, writing out songs and poems dedicated to her, even discovering old compositions which finally have found someone to be dedicated to.

So caught in the trap i don't know what to do. If i let it out, there's a risk of screwing up our friendship, of moving her away from me, and if i don't, then the tension of wanting to let it out, yet still keeping it in, will keep pestering me, keeping me trapped in this quagmire of doubts. My only hope/wish whatever you may want to call it, is if she gives me a hint as to if she may feel the same way for me. Without that, this little part of my life is like a puzzle too hard for me to crack.

....I hope she reads this  (article and poem..... both)

I keep dreaming about you,

Its like you're always on my mind

And every time that I'm alone

Your face comes up before my eyes.

And once again i remember,

Your beautiful smile,

And how your eyes,

Seem so alive,

And as you move,

With heavenly grace,

While the sun shines down,

On your smiling face.

And as I watch the sun's fading light,

I wish that you were by my side,

And I'd tell how I feel tonight,

If you only i knew that you,

Might feel the same way for me.